Remus' Easter Philosophy
by romanticidiot
Summary: Slash. SiriusRemus. One shot. Holiday story. Remus and Sirius discuss religion (aka Remus explains to Sirius) during Easter. Sirius gets an idea in his head but interesting consequences evolve (I'm not as enigmatic in these as I think am I)


DISCLAIMER: They are not mine. The religion isn't mine, but the corny words at the end are. 

WARNING: If you're a big religion fanatic, I don't suggest you read this. It has some kinda stupid but perhaps controversial views on religion (nothing that major, well not to me, but maybe to you). If you're anti-slash, don't read either, 'cos there's that in there too. Sorries, I've probably just made you hate me and decide not to read. Oh well. Please don't flame me for the religion or the slashness; I will ignore you if you do and probably cry as well.

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Remus' Easter Philosophy 

_**By**_

_**LizzY Tears**_

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"Remus." Sirius said, moving thoughtfully towards his friend, his brow puckered in intense concentration. "Why is it exactly that we wizards actually _celebrate_ Easter? I mean, it's a Muggle religious ceremony, isn't it?"

Remus regarded him with his deep brown eyes and put down his book, transferring his undivided attention towards Sirius.

"Yes." He said. "I'm not entirely sure why we celebrate it; I have yet to figure out why the Muggles association the death of their Saviour with chocolate eggs and rabbits, but I have two hypothesis on the situation if you care to listen."

Sirius groaned inwardly in recognition. Remus was now in scholar faze and would probably use big words to explain complex theories which Sirius had little chance of understanding. But he had asked the question, so he supposed he had better stay to hear the answer.

So he nodded and Remus started his tirade.

"One." He began, lifting a long, elegant finger. "That Jesus Christ and most of his disciples were wizards."

He stated this simply and waited a moment for Sirius' reaction.

"Who is Jesus Christ?" Sirius wanted to know.

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"You mean to tell me you don't know who Jesus Christ is? Well," he continued when Sirius shook his head, "he was – _is_ I suppose – the Saviour of Mankind. He is the son of God … you know of God, I presume?"

Sirius nodded, proud he knew _something,_ even if he wouldn't know this Jesus fellow from a hole in the ground … although he _hoped_ the Saviour of Mankind was a bit more appealing than a hole in the ground.

"Yeah, big guy, all-powerful, lives in the clouds, right?" Sirius offered.

Remus regarded him a moment.

"Er – something like that." He said uncertainly and continued with his theory. "Anyway, Jesus is the son of God, He lives in all of us, He loves us …"

"How on earth does he manage that?" Sirius interrupted. "_I_ don't have another man inside me."

"He's dead, Sirius." Remus told him patiently.

Sirius frowned.

"But you said he was alive! You said he _lives_ in all of us!"

"He does." Remus explained. "His physical body is dead, but his spirit lives on."

"How did he die? Why wasn't it in the _Profit?_ I would have thought the death of the Saviour would make pretty big news." Sirius seemed as though he was beginning to think Remus was making this up.

Remus chuckled at his words and obvious incredulousness.

"He lived a long time ago, Sirius. A very long time ago. A very, _very_ long time ago. Before Binns was alive." He added for emphasis, as Sirius didn't seem to be getting the point.

Sirius' eyes widened.

"That's _ancient!_" He exclaimed.

"Yes." Remus agreed. "He walked the earth that many years ago, spreading the word of God's divine love and that we should all follow him and live in perfect harmony with each other, free from sin as he himself was."

"So he was perfect." Sirius put in.

"He was divine." Remus corrected. "Do you understand who Jesus was, now?"

"I think so." Sirius said, his brow puckered. "This God dude had a son, Jesus, who was perfect and walked around telling everyone else to be perfect too?" He summarised.

"Near enough." Remus agreed.

"So how did he die?"

"Easter." Remus said simply.

"They had Easter then, too?" Sirius asked in confusion.

Remus laughed.

"No, Jesus created Easter when he died." Remus explained.

"How could he die if he was divine and the son of God and all that?" Sirius demanded, frowning.

"Some people didn't like Jesus." Remus told him, summarising history painfully. "He preached the wrong thing, he was an impostor, he wanted power, all of that sort of thing. Some people were just scared."

"So they killed him?" Sirius supplied.

"So they killed him." Remus agreed. "Crucified him. Nailed him to a giant cross, hoisted him up in the desert and waited till he died." He clarified for Sirius, who looked a little lost.

Sirius watched him with avid attention.

"What happened?" He asked breathlessly. "Why does Easter last four days?"

"Because that's how long it took for him to be reborn." Remus told him placidly.

Sirius, who had just taken a mouthful of chocolate butterbeer (Honeydukes had created a new brew in honour of the approaching holiday), choked and was forced to swallow hastily.

"What?" He croaked, patting himself on the chest as Remus half rose in alarm. "I thought he was dead!"

"Are you alright?" Remus asked worriedly, switching chairs to sit on the two seater with Sirius.

"I'm fine." Sirius said hoarsely, waving Remus' concern away. "I want to know why you said Jesus had been reborn when he was supposed to be dead!"

Remus settled himself back on the sofa and waited until Sirius was comfortable, alive and listening before he carried on.

"I can't remember much about this bit, but I think two of his followers – I forget their names – took his body from the cross and put him inside a cave, I can't remember why, and sealed it with a boulder." Remus said.

"As you do, of course." Sirius muttered sarcastically.

"Anyway." Remus continued, fighting a grin. "When they came back, the boulder had been pushed aside and Jesus' body was gone."

Sirius jaw dropped and he leant forward.

"Gone!" He gasped. "Where to? Did someone steal it?"

Remus shook his head.

"Nobody but the two people knew he was there and there were no footprints leading to the cave. Jesus had been reborn."

Sirius stared at him in amazement.

"So is he alive or dead?" He asked as he struggled to understand this piece of contradiction.

Remus shrugged.

"Depends which way you look at it." He said. "That sounds like pretty physical evidence that he was still living, but how? And where has he been for so long?"

"So instead of physically walking the earth, he lives vicariously through us, within us, with us?" Sirius rationalized carefully, arranging facts in his mind.

Remus started in surprise at Sirius' use of such a big word as 'vicariously'. Sirius was as intelligent as anyone Remus had ever known, but he didn't show it often and Remus was usually amazed when he did.

"Er, yes." Remus agreed. "And so that's why the Muggles celebrate Easter, because Jesus gave his life for them. It's an acknowledgement and thanks for his sacrifice."

"I like that." Sirius said quietly. "So why do we celebrate it, then? We wizards believe in Merlin's creation of life, don't we?"

Remus shrugged again.

"Well, it could be because no matter what we may think, perhaps Christian – that's the Muggle religion – beliefs are our real foundations and beginnings. Or maybe because Jesus and his disciples could have been wizards."

Sirius blinked in surprise.

"What? Why would you think they were wizards?" He questioned in bemused confusion.

"Because most of what is in the Bible – the book this is all written in – is pretty incredible. It could very well be that before wizards were as discreet as we are today, they were more publicly active, and down the line somewhere, they realised Muggles were getting suspicious and needed an explanation. So they created these Bible stories." Remus explained heatedly.

"What incredible things?" Sirius asked predictably.

"Well … someone – no, I don't know their names, Sirius, get over it – someone changed a staff into a snake. A Muggle couldn't do it, but a wizard could with a simple Transfiguration spell. This guy Moses pops up a few times, he parted the Red Sea and let people walk through. Sirius, you and I can already _do_ that, remember on the lake the other day and McGonogall went bonkers?"

Remus leant forward, his eyes shining in intense interest as he explained his theory to Sirius, who watched and listened animatedly for once.

"Moses also spoke to a burning bush. How many inanimate speaking objects are there around here?" Remus gestured to the common room.

"Who you calling inanimate?" A gruff voice burst into the conversation and Remus found himself apologising to his coffee mug and making a mental note to stay away from it in future.

"See?" He hissed to Sirius, keeping an eye on the coffee mug, which was glaring suspiciously at him.

"I definitely see your point." Sirius agreed. "But are you trying to say you think Muggle religion is a load of explanations for slack wizarding discretion?"

Remus shrugged and leant back.

"I don't know, I haven't made up my mind yet." He confessed. "But it is something to think about, no?"

"That would be one of the best practical jokes ever." Sirius mused. "Fooling generations of people into thinking wizards were religious gods."

"It would explain why we celebrate Easter, wouldn't it? Wizard/Muggle relations weren't always as good as they are now. Easter might acknowledge the efforts of the wizards who created the Bible to keep our world safe."

Remus stretched and thought smugly of the chocolate he had in his dorm. He didn't really care why they celebrate Easter, only that there was chocolate involved.

He paused a moment as he made to get up from the sofa.

"Although none of that explains the chocolate eggs and bunny association." He yawned mildly.

"Maybe the eggs symbolise life." Sirius suggested, stretching and yawning himself.

Remus stopped yawning and stared at his friend.

"What?" Said friend demanded defensively when he noticed.

"I never thought of that before." Remus said in surprise. "Good theory, I like it."

"You know me." Sirius grinned roguishly. "Always thinking laterally."

"I'll set you to work on the bunny business, then, shall I?" Remus laughed, successfully standing up this time.

"Maybe it symbolises the masses." Sirius tried. "Like, because there are so many rabbits in England, and Jesus had so many followers …" He trailed off as Remus grinned.

"Nice try, Padfoot." He awarded. "But I think you've lost your touch. Jesus wasn't English."

"What?" Sirius yelped.

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"He was born in Jerusalem." He extended his hand to help Sirius to his feet.

"He got _born?_" Sirius asked in surprise.

"Of course." Remus replied, giving him a look. "How else do you think he got here?"

"How come there's no holiday for that, then?" Sirius challenged and took Remus' waiting hand.

Remus looked at him again and grinned.

"What do you think Christmas is?"

Sirius flushed.

"The birth of Jesus?" He said meekly and then, when Remus laughed, "so what's your theory about Christmas, then?"

Remus shrugged.

"Haven't got that far." He admitted. "I'm a Seventh Year, not a philosopher."

"Yet." Sirius added, winking.

"Yet." Remus agreed and then paused thoughtfully in his trek towards the door. "But probably it had something to do with wizards losing control of their magic. The Star of Wonder was probably a mass of Fire Faeries or something."

"Star of Wonder?" Sirius inquired, knocking Remus from his reverie.

"Oh, Sirius!" Remus exclaimed fondly, throwing his arm around Sirius' shoulders. "That will have to wait for another time."

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"Remus!"

The whisper almost went unnoticed, but the boy sitting alone on a fallen tree trunk was listening for intruders to his sanctuary and just caught it.

"Sirius?" He whispered back.

His eyes searched the forest in front of him, but it yielded nothing. He was beginning to think he had imagined the slight whisper and let out a cry when he was suddenly attacked from behind and pulled backwards of his ledge.

"Ssh!" His assailant hissed, covering his mouth with a hand. "Do you want Prongs to know you're out here? He _knows_ you still have chocolate left, he just can't find it."

"Okay, I'm quiet!" Remus shot back softly.

He sat up carefully, looking around for the sugar-crazed friend Sirius had identified.

He turned to Sirius when James was not in sight, and found him leaning against the log next to Remus.

"Cold out here." Sirius remarked.

"What do you want? I'm not telling you where my chocolate is, either." Remus warned.

"I don't want your chocolate." Sirius said dismissively. "I know where it is anyway. I want to know more about Jesus."

"Good heavens, why?" Remus demanded in surprise, shock that Sirius knew where his stash of chocolate was hidden making him lapse to the English schoolboy he was.

"Because it's interesting." Sirius told him. "Tell me about his miracles."

"Well, he healed a lot of people." Remus said doubtfully, struggling to remember.

Sirius was nodding.

"Anything else?"

"He turned water to wine." Remus said, fully exhausting his supply of information on the topic.

"I like Him." Sirius announced.

"Glad to hear it." Remus murmered.

"And I think I've found Him." Sirius continued and Remus blinked.

"What?"

"I think I've found Jesus." Sirius repeated obligingly.

"Yep, that's what I thought you said." Remus sighed weakly. "Who is He, then?"

"You." Sirius remarked cheerfully.

Remus choked on nothing, stared at Sirius and then burst out laughing.

"Whatever, Sirius." He gasped. "Good joke, I like it. Almost had me going then."

Sirius watched him splutter and then spoke when he calmed down.

"I'm serious." He said, unable to avoid wincing.

"Well, who else would you – oh, sorry." Remus said, winking.

"I mean it, Remus." Sirius said. "I think you're Jesus."

"And what, pray tell, gave you that idea?" Remus fought down the hysterical laughter bubbling inside because Sirius really did seem to be … well … serious.

"Think about it, Remus." Sirius said earnestly, facing him. "You always tell James and I to be better people, you made the lake part (that was you, not me), that coffee cup spoke to you, it never spoke to anyone else, you heal our Quidditch bruises all the time and you turn our water into that cordial stuff at parties!"

Sirius seemed quite excited about this, and it was only because he respected Sirius that Remus didn't laugh in his face.

"That doesn't make me Jesus, Sirius." He said gently. "I'd have to be doing a lot more than that and on a greater scale."

"Come on, Remus!" Sirius exclaimed. "You even go into a cave for four days and get reborn!"

"Not in a good way!" Remus responded, growing angry as he always did when the wolf was mentioned.

"Remus, just –." Sirius tried.

"Look, Sirius! I am not Jesus! I am nothing _like_ as good a person as He was! I have wanton thoughts and desire, I do things purely for self and I do mean things to Snape! On top of it all, I'm a werewolf who would hurt people if it could – some shepherd I would be, eating my own flock! And I'm gay, which I'm dead sure Jesus wasn't! You have to be perfect to be Jesus and perfect I am not!"

Remus' face was red and heated by the time he had finished reprimanding Sirius, his eyes blazing with anger and his chin set.

Sirius glanced over at him, watching him slowly unclench his fists and his body relax.

"Sorry." Remus sighed, closing his eyes and controlling his breathing. "I just can't be as good a person as Jesus was, and I hate that. I don't like being told I'm perfect when I am so obviously not."

Srius waited until he was looking at him before he spoke softly.

"You're perfect to me." He said gently, meeting Remus' eye.

Surprise and anger flickered in the brown depths, but their gaze stayed locked in a way it never had before.

Quite without realising it, they moved closer to each other, their eyes fluttering closed as their lips gently met.

_This_ was perfection for Remus, sitting on the damp grass with the scent of the forest all around him, Sirius' gentle lips playing over his and his own fingers skating over Sirius' jaw line.

There were no sounds coming from either of them, only nature making its' music in their ears.

Remus felt Sirius' hand come to rest behind his head, not pulling him closer, just touching him. A simple gesture to convey tenderness and feeling. Unconsciously, their hands caught and tangled, linking both desperately and gently.

Remus sighed and gave himself to Sirius, sharing all he had, all of who he was and who he was yet to be.

Sirius took this surrender and returned it, careful lips caressing Remus' lips and somehow touching his soul.

They ended their clinch slowly and found themselves gazing back at each other with intensity.

"Now you _know_ I'm not Jesus." Remus said quietly.

"Why not?" Sirius whispered, both of them inexplicably keeping their voices down.

"Because the Saviour of Mankind is not supposed to fall in love." Remus told him hesitantly and gently touched his cheek.

"Shouldn't he be able to experience and embody all love?" Sirius challenged. "Besides, what about Mary Magdalene?" He asked, moving closer and pushing Remus onto his back.

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed, pulling away. "How do you know about Mary Magdalene?"

Sirius shrugged and lowered his head towards Remus'.

"I watched 'Jesus Christ Superstar' at James' house. I just didn't understand it till now." He said nonchalantly.

Remus laughed and playfully rolled his eyes. Sirius kissed him again to forestall any further comments and Remus thought that he might not be Jesus, and he might not be perfect, but right at that moment he felt pretty close to divine.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE 

How's that for random? Basically it was Easter today, I had a bad day so decided to write a fic. I don't think it's very well written and pretty heavy at the end, but hey, it's a make me feel good fic so that's cool!

Thanks to all who reviewed 'Imprisoned' I hope to get the new chapter up asap; basically as soon as I write it. Wish me luck!

Hope you all enjoyed this and thanks to the people who I am finding who are reading my work without reviewing; I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Ooh, and please, nobody flame me on the controversialness or incorrectness of the religion! I can't remember much from RE (Religious Education) and I'm not religious, so please don't attack me personally for that. Really, I've had enough of personal attacks today. As for the controversialness, that's just one theory I had while writing this, it doesn't it any way reflect the views of the author bla bla bla. Sorry if it offends you.

Love always,

LizzY :D


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